Blog Lanuti on BroadcastBasement.com

They Call Me Lanuti, I'm Back...I'm Back.

2011-10-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a while.

Since the last time I even loaded up BroadcastBasement.com to see if it still existed - and it should because my credit card keeps getting charged for renewals - a lot has happened. One day I'll get into detail. But to sum it all up:

1. My mother-in-law, previously described as the Harbringer of Doom, moved in.
2. She had what can only be described as "an insane amount of issues with keeping a job."
3. In the meantime my studio was occupied by two stinky cats and a smelly dog.
4. They were thrown out...er, left...and I then began a 7 month project to rebuild after her departure.
5. The basement she and her filthy animals lived in was gutted.
6. Bleached.
7. Disinfected.
8. Painted.
9. Re-floored, re-carpetted.
10. I fixed a lot of other areas in the house in need of repair following what I call "The Hurricane of 2010-11".
11. I built a 9-foot oak bar, on my own...from scratch.
12. It.
13. Is.
14. Awesome.
15. The studio is now installed in the bar.
16. I'm back.

I apologize for leaving. It was not my plan...or fault. I will never leave you again. Why? Because there is now a standing policy in this house that we will no longer take on boarders. (The guest room no longer exists, and that is on purpose.)

I'm in the process of settng up recording dates with everyone from the Broadcast Basement. Podcasts should start rolling out this month.

Tonight I looked back and cleaned out old Blog posts. Some were fun to look back at. I invite you to see what I left of the past blog posts. I thought the ones I left were kinda fun.

I'll be talking to you soon.

I promise.

JMJ:We Are In Trouble...

2010-04-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

We are in trouble...

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

At your computer,

reading jokes...

Nice.

Real nice.

Wah-Wah Wah Wahhhhhh!

2010-04-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

Recently I bought a new mixing board to upgrade the Broadcast Basement studio. The big perk was that 4 microphones could be used at the same time and I could adjust the vocal levels for the soft and loud talkers alike. This would cut down on post-production time and get the podcasts to you, the listener, quicker.

Well, it wasn't that simple.

While our first recording session was a hoot, much of it cannot be listened to by normal human ears. This past weekend, when I sat down to put everything together for the April Podcast, I found that there were distortions in the sound that were so bad at some points that it sounds like the teachers from Charlie Brown all got together at once and started screaming.

It sounds awful.

Fortunately I believe that I can save some of the material and put out something enjoyable for April. I also believe that the next time we record I can fix the problem. (The combination of my misunderstanding of the equipment's capabilities and Wild Bill grabbing a microphone that was set up for a soft-speaking person 20 minutes into the session can be easily avoided in the future.) Unfortunately, though, this is delaying the release of the April Podcast by a few days.

Hang tight. I don't want to be working on this for a month just like you don't want to keep waiting. We have two special guests that joined us in studio and I want everyone to hear them. I also really want to fix the segment on Conan O'Brien and a song about a certain Spiderman picture on Google. They are probably still going to be distorted, but hopefully I can get it so you actually understand the words.

Thanks for hanging in. I swear we didn't screw things up so much when we were being paid to do this for a living.

Or did we?

Men & Women: Born This Way

2010-03-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Babies doing crazy things...how can you go wrong with that?

"I F'ing Called It!!!!"

2010-03-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

Have you ever watched a TV show, made a prediction so out-of-left-field that the person or persons sitting with you looked at you like you were insane and it actually ended up coming true? I did with this season of 24.

And then I just kept yelling at the television "I F'ING CALLED IT!" for the last five minutes of tonight's episode.

Seriously. I was obnoxious.

It was episode 1 - about 15 minutes in to Season 8 - when I first paused the DVR and gave my ultimate prediction for Season 8 of what I consider to be one of the greatest television series of all time.

Ready for it?

This season of 24 will bring about the ultimate redemption of Jack Bauer - 24's hero and all-around greatest action hero of all-time - as it runs through a storyline that will have direct parallels to the first season of 24. At the end Jack will experience the ultimate redemption in a parallel scene that will mirror the end of 24's first season with a twist.

Confused yet? Or am I blowing your mind?

Please allow me to explain. In Season One of 24 Jack Bauer works for CTU as a field agent who is in a relationship with another member of the counter-terrorism unit by the name of Nina Myers. Jack is also married to Teri Bauer, and is thus is the flawed hero that people just eat up these days.

As the season progressed, Nina and the other CTU staffers did their best to support Jack in the field as he tried to track down terrorists planning to kill the guy from the Allstate ads, who was running for president.

During the season there is a moment when Nina, a federal agent, snaps and kills someone with no real cause. Even in the messed up world of 24 when it is allowable to cut off a man's head and put in in a duffel bag just to get in with a group of nuke smuggling terrorists (Season Two), this was completely unexpected. Before that episode ends, Myers is revealed as a double agent working with the terrorists. She actually places a phone call to the head terrorist to let the audience in on the secret. Nina then ends up killing Jack's wife Teri in a stunning plot twist at the end of Season One as Jack saves the world but is seconds late saving her.

When Dana Walsh was strangling the probation officer in the interrogation room tonight I looked at my wife and said, "She wouldn't do this if she wasn't a bad guy. She's going to get discovered eventually and this is too cold-blooded. She must be a terrorist."

Less than two minutes later I just kept yelling "I F'ING CALLED IT!" for the remainder of the show.

Now, take this occurrence and plug it into my theory about how what I believe will be the LAST SEASON OF 24 will end. In Season One Jack is a CTU agent in a relationship with another agent who turns out to be a deep cover terrorist in CTU. In Season 8 Jack is working with Cole. Cole is a field agent with CTU who is engaged to Dana Walsh. Dana is a a deep cover terrorist in CTU.

WOW. Right?

The big parallel to Season One is on the way, though. Let me lay out my prediction to the end of Season 8 of 24. In Episode One of this season we meet Teri - Jack's granddaughter. (She was named after her murdered grandmother.) Ever since the end of that first season, Jack Bauer has been tormented by the fact that he couldn't save his wife. It is the driving theme of the entire series and pops up in some way in every season!

Hence my prediction: "Season 8 will end with the terrorists - now possibly Dana Walsh - holding little Teri hostage. This time Jack will not be late. In fact, I bet that it ends in room in CTU with the little girl's head down but this time he'll lift it and she's be alive and smiling."

Full Circle.

Jack is redeemed. Teri is saved. Cue the music and the tears. Freddie Prinze Jr probably starts off Season Nine as the main character and dies in Episode 3 so Jack can return. Beautiful.

Just remember, that I F'ING CALLED IT!

JMJ: Irish Virginity Test Kit

2010-03-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"

The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

Cake Boss Drinking Game

2010-02-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

Cake Boss on TLC is the funniest show on TV. It is so obvious that the "drama" on the show each week is staged as the cast of the show has zero acting ability, but you have to love this show. As with most enjoyable things on TV, you can also play the Cake Boss Drinking Game. Rules are simple. Take a drink when you hear the following words or phrases:

Fondant
Modeling Chocolate
Dirty Ice
All Hands On Deck

And do a shot when Buddy's obnoxious sister Mary yells at someone enough to get them to roll their eyes.

That's all. If you aren't smashed 20 minutes into an episode you're either not listening or drinking water.

A Warning: Kids & Pets

2010-02-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

If you are an owner of a dog even if it doesn't belong to a 'dangerous breed' category and you also have a child or a visiting small child please take this as a warning.

Don't leave your dog with a small child unattended under any circumstances!!! Only one little moment was enough for the following to happen.

See the photo below .....

Thank you!

The Dog

What Is This?

2009-11-05T22:51:00.000-08:00

As I sat down at the computer tonight I saw chocolate stuck to the keyboard. At least, I hope it is chocolate. When you have an 19-month old wobbling around your house it could also be poop.

I'm not going to smell it. I don't want to know.

A Return on the orizon?

2009-10-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

(Written on a broken computer keyboard after a toddler ripped a letter key off...so tis is kinda like a puzzle, or someting.)

It as been over 4 monts since I last posted on BroadcastBasement.com and as I ave been tinking about all te fun tat I ad wit te guys doing te podcast...

(tis lack of a key on te keyboard is already annoying)

...so I've been on te website puttering around and made a few additions and subtractions. My biggest concern wit te podcast before was tat I didn't ave te ime...or maybe minutes and seconds...

(since i am missing a key on my FRICKIN KEYBOARD!)

...and I now believe I may possess a way to still bring a full podcast every mont - er, 30 days - and still provide different material in between every podcast to fill in any downtime between full episodes.

(did pretty good tere...crap.)

So, just know BroadcastBasement.com is gearing up for a possible return. Now I need to see if I still ave a crew for te sow.

(O, I give up!)

And, as I ave been recently downloading my entire library of music from CD's to my iPod, and just got troug my Eminem CD's - first time in years I gave any of tem a listen - I'll use one of te songs I've been listening too recently to ring in te return of BroadcastBasement.com.

I'm back...in 2010!

(Spell-Cecking tis is gonna suck.)

The Broadcast Basement Takes A Break

2009-06-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

It has taken me a long time to get around to writing this post.

In October 2007 I lost my job and it was a big shock to me and my family. To make matters worse, the economy fell apart and there was no real work to be found for a long time.

As I started to realize how hard it was going to be to find a job, I decided to start BroadcastBasement.com as a way to see if I wanted to get back into radio broadcasting as a way to provide for my family. While I searched for a job and a new direction in life, this website let me answer the question that I had been asking myself since I left the biz in 2003 - "Did I leave radio too early?"

The answer, I now believe, is: "No, I left right on time."

In October 2008 I was hired to do something that I find extremely fulfilling. (And while I would love to print exactly what it is that I now do for a living, I can't as BroadcastBasement.com may conflict with my new job.) After many months of training and wondering if I could do this new job, I've decided that it may actually bring me equal, if not more, enjoyment as radio broadcasting. I never thought that possible, but I'm happy that I was wrong.

I find myself now far more interested in my new career and my personal life than running BroadcastBasement.com these days. I feel bad about this only because so many people have helped me with the shows and so many others have supported me by listening.

But, I just can't commit to the 8-10 hours of time that it takes to edit and produce a single episode when I can use that time to be with the kids, or my wife, or even take a little overtime to improve our quality of life.

I did, though, truly appreciate everyone listening and want to give special thanks to the gang that has been helping me as of late - Wild Bill, Minnesota Joe, J. Brown, Ed, and Acoustic Mike. I really enjoyed creating some funny moments with the guys and hope that even though I need a break from the website that we can still get together for some laughs and beers without the mics. I also promise that I will eventually release the tapes from our last recording session. (I have about 2-3 hours of un-aired material that I will eventually post to the podcast.)

The site will still live on, but don't expect any new episodes for a while if ever. I may use it to create short bits or eventually start an internet radio station. But, for now, consider BroadcastBasement.com on hiatus. If you want to know when things start back up, please subscribe to the podcast and/or send me an email through the "Contact Us" link on the website so I can keep you informed. Also, please join the BrodcastBasement.com fan page on Facebook if you want updates as to what will happen next.

Thanks again for listening.

And now, we just have to wait and see what happens next.

- Chris

"Motherlover" - Timberlake and Samberg

2009-05-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

Episode #29 in Production

2009-04-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

Production of Episode #29 has begun. The hope is to post it by this Friday morning, but it could come as late as Saturday. There was a slight delay from the expected posting date of today due to Will Bill and myself hitting the rained out Sox game last night. We came up with some great ideas for Episode #30, though, so that was really a benefit to everyone!

Stay Tuned!

- Chris

The New Navy Posters

2009-04-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

Just in time for recruitment season, enjoy the new motivational posters from the Navy!

Junk Mail Joke: Get Out Of The Car!

2009-04-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

Cleveland!

2009-04-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

My former program director and former Cleveland morning guy Pete Schiecke, had this fun promotion video about the city on the shores of Lake Erie that he wanted to share. Enjoy!

WARNING: Some explicit language.

This Week in the Broadcast Basement

2009-04-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

Episode #28 is finally up and I was very happy with it. Normally I produce the show, convert the sound files and post it to the web without feeling one way or the other about the finished product. I learned a long time ago not to get too excited about a show because some of the things I thought were great in my career turned out to be stupid when I heard the later. Meanwhile some of the simplest things that I paid no mind to when they happened on-air turned into memorable moments for the listeners.

So, this show must absolutely suck because I found it hilarious!

I always wanted a house band that spontaneously broke into impromptu song during the show, and District 22 finally showed how much fun that part of a show could be. I liked listening to this one, and I hope you will too.

Also, next show (scheduled for release to the masses in less than 2 weeks on 4/28) will include my attempt to sing a song about Wild Bill on the fly. It made Bill pee his pants when we recorded it, so you should look forward to it.

Oh...and one more thing...

GO HAWKS!

New Shows Coming Soon!

2009-04-07T02:18:00.001-07:00

New episodes of Chris Lanuti's Broadcast Basement are coming soon. Episode #28 is currently in post-production and should be up in less than a week. Stay tuned!

Goodbye, Jerry Owens - A Tribute

2009-03-31T14:44:00.001-07:00

All the best memories of former White Sox CF Jerry Owens. Goodbye Jerry, we will remember you just as you are in this video...

Junk Mail Joke: Pin Drop

2009-03-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

Not exactly a Junk Mail Joke, but I chuckled...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it. 'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!'

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

Minnesota Joe's Movie

2009-03-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Normally I don't direct people off of the site completely, but I can't embed this and it is too awesome not to share. Check out Broadcast Basement cast member Minnesota Joe's movie about Chicago at...

http://www.joesignorelli.net/movie.html

...and enjoy the final scenes with the Lanuti's family and a toast from Joe and me.

- Chris

Real Music Video: "2 Many D's"

2009-02-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

Hilarious. Rich. Compelling.

...Oh, and some language - so don't view unless you are not offended by curse words.

Pitchers And Catchers Report!

2009-02-15T18:32:00.000-08:00

Thank God Baseball Is Back!

GO! GO! WHITE SOX!

Junk Mail Joke: Then The Fight Started...

2009-02-15T18:19:00.000-08:00

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And that's when the fight started....

*****

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"And that's when the fight started...

*****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'& And then the fight started ...

*****

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'HolyShit. That must be my husband!'So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. Hesmashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fastas he could go.A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at thewoman, 'I AM your husband!'The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'And then the fight started.....

******

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.And then the fight started....

*****

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'I bought her a scale.And then the fight started...

******

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust..'And then the fight started...

Next Show: 2/16/09

2009-02-09T13:31:00.001-08:00

The next episode of Chris Lanuti's Broadcast Basement will post on 2/16/09. The show is taking a week off for production reasons. See you then!

- Chris

Christian Bale Goes Nuts!

2009-02-09T13:27:00.000-08:00

Christian Bale is insane. Check out this audio from an outburst from him on the new Terminator movie. WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE.

Episode #24

2009-02-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

Episode #24 is now up and available at BroadcastBasement.com. Thanks for listening!

Some random thoughts about this week's episode...

1. I keep imagining Tom Cruise showing up at my front door with a hammer and a large sack after someone passes this show to him and his buddies. He's like 4'3", though, so I think I can take him.

2. I went with highlights from one show at WPGU and scattered that episode throughout the podcast because it had me laughing in the car on the way home from work the otherday. I was just looking for a segment and found just a silly show that had some stuff in it that begged to be re-aired. The best part for me was the bit with Pete. That is not fake. He really had that idea for the show and we really picked on him for not being funny. He was always a great sport. One of my favorite program directors ever. Wild Bill bringing the police out in full force was just an average Wednesday. They used to listen to the show just to see what we were doing and if it needed to be stopped.

3. We may need a female voice in there soon. All I have schedule to join the show in the coming weeks is Ed from the old WPGU crew. He may need to wear a skirt and talk in a high voice.

Stuffed Animals + Subwoofers

2009-01-30T17:23:00.000-08:00

This is why I don't keep stuffed animals by my back window...

...this and because it would look extremely silly to have stuffed animals in the rear window of your car unless you were a 16 year old girl.

Lawnmower DUI - Taser Arrest

2009-01-22T17:03:00.000-08:00

Poor Steve.

Poor. Dumb. Steve.

Drinking

2009-01-21T13:09:00.001-08:00

...And this is why I drink...

NEW SHOWS START MONDAY!

2009-01-15T14:46:00.000-08:00

Get ready for new episodes of Chris Lanuti's Broadcast Basement starting Monday January 19th 2009. The break is over and the show is back with some new faces joining the show on a regular basis. Join Chris Lanuti, Wild Bill, J. Brown, and Minnesota Joe weekly in 2009 at BroadcastBasement.com on through the Podcast found on I-Tunes and other fine mp3 distributors!

See you 01/19/09!

No Christmas Show - Back in 2009!

2008-12-14T12:32:00.000-08:00

As you may have already noticed, the expected Christmas Show was first pushed back and now is kaput. (German for "not gonna happen.") The holidays were insane this year. Between intensive training at my day job that happened to coincide with the season and a schedule of seven parties in seven days, I had no time to do a show.

The good news, though, is that the Chris Lanuti's Broadcast Basement show will return bigger and better in mid-January 2009. Currently I am using the gift cards and remaining Christmas cash to build up the studio down in my basement. I have also formed a group of former cast members and radio people that I have worked with over the years who will be joining the show regularly. This should allow for much more entertaining episodes in 2009 and an overall expansion of the program. The new cast and crew will be getting over here in the first or second week of January, so that's why we have a "mid-January" time frame for the return of weekly shows.

Until then, enjoy the past episodes of 2008 and thanks for visiting BroadcastBasement.com!

- Chris

Junk Mail Joke: "The Rooster"

2008-12-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?' All the men stood up.

'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?' All the women stood up.

'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant.. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?' Half the women stood up.

'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

The priest fainted.

"Fuk Mi"

2008-12-14T06:46:00.001-08:00

Junk Mail Joke: "Little David"

2008-10-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Little David is in the 5th grade. Yesterday morning when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living and all the typical answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

The teacher noticed that little David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so she asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and do it with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, red faced."He really plays for the Cubs, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids".

"When Pumpkins Drink"

2008-10-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

Is "Hate" the Right Word?

2008-09-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

In the past three days I've watched my beloved Chicago White Sox drop three straight games to the Minnesota Twins and fall from a 2.5 game lead in the AL Central to a half game behind the Twinkees with only the last weekend in the regular season remaining.

I hate the Twins.

Why, may you ask, does someone "hate" an entire baseball team.

Well, this is not simply anger directed toward a team that beat my team. No. I am not just simply proclaiming hatred that would have existed if, say, the Red Sox swept the White Sox. I actually have a solid, plausible reason to hate the Twins.

Here it is:

They aren't better, they are just so frickin' lucky.

The Twins have won the AL Central more than any other team this decade, but they have yet to even take the AL Pennant. Their own fans should hate them for this. Each year the management of the organization marches young, cheap ballplayers out who can slap at the ball and make it bounce around on the carpet in the Metrodome enough to squeak out a division championship over 162 games.

But, when the final eight teams get together in the postseason, they never have a chance.

So, not only do the Twins crush the dreams of a team that actually has a shot at greater glory in the postseason, but then they get their own fans excited enough to experience another year of heartbreak when they finally fold in the playoffs. When you live off the lucky bounce...well, you die off of it too. If this team invested some money when their talent came into their prime, got a free agent or to, and then beat the White Sox out for a playoff spot this would sting less! Why? Because they would have a chance at winning the World Series.

Even the Chicago Cubs stay out of the playoffs unless they have a chance of greater playoff glory! Not the Twins, though. They are simply the spoiler team of this decade. Nothing more.

And, I hate them for it.

I have compiled a list of other teams, people, or inanimate objects that I hate after watching these past three games in Minnesota:

1. The Twins

2. That young umpire Martinez who gave a run to the Twins in Game 2 and Game 3 on blown calls. If you aren't old enough to have the experience to avoid making home town calls, MLB shouldn't let you ump in big series down the stretch. Now I think he should be fired. Oh, and I hate him too.

3. The Twins

4. Carlos Gomez, Twins CF - Check him for drugs, he is way too excited. And what is he doing to his bat with his mouth every time he comes to the plate. He must be the clubhouse circus seal.

5. The Metrodome

6. Jason Kubel - Don't know who he is? Nobody knows. He is only a good ballplayer against the White Sox.

7. The Twins

8. Instant Replay in Baseball. If you are going to use it on homeruns, you should use it all the time or it isn't fair. So get rid of it.

9. Osama Bin Laden - He makes this list for obvious reasons.

10. The Frickin' Lucky Ass Minnesota Twins - Destined for a First Round Elimination in 2008.

Junk Mail Joke: "Irish-French War"

2008-09-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Nicolas Sarkozy, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring War on you!'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!'

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you Paddy that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back...'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the War is still on. We have managed to get us some inf antry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'

Sarkozy sighs, amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 Bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 French prisoners!'

Junk Mail Joke: "Hurricane Kit"

2008-09-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Survival Kit

Toilet Paper? ... CHECK

Bud Light? ... CHECK

Keystone Ice? ... CHECK

Budweiser? ... CHECK

Red Dog? ... CHECK

Misc. other bottles of alcohol? ... CHECK

Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on?

CHECK!

Junk Mail Joke: "Catholic Golf"

2008-09-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said, "Shit, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again.

"Shit, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again.

The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again.

"Shit, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

"Shit, I missed!"

Classic Chris: "St. Paddy's Day 2003"

2008-08-12T18:55:00.000-07:00

BroadcastBasement.com runs a weekly stroll down broadcast memory lane entitled "Classic Chris." New entries post every Friday. Below is a sort of "Director's Commentary."

Classic Show: "St. Paddy's Day 2003"
Original Air Date: 03.17.03
Station: KRFR-FM, Real Rock 104.3
Radio Market: Bakersfield, CA
Cast: Chris Lanuti, Laura Payne, Dude on the Couch, a midget dressed as a leprechaun, and about 200 drunks in a bar on a Monday morning in southern California.

This broadcast originated from the KRFR studios AND in front of a live audience in a local Irish pub.

I honestly pulled a WOMP tape this week. Really. I know that we have yet to post a single moment from that 18 months in Wheeling, WV, and people are going to think that I made it up. It turns out, though, that I must have realized that I didn't have a tape this day in California and figured that there was no way I was going to miss out on taping a live show from a bar on a Monday morning! So, I accidentally found this 2003 St. Paddy's Day show.

I'm glad that I did, though. So many shows done in front of a live audience don't get properly taped because the studio guy is some intern that never really runs a board on a regular basis. I, though, had my PD running the studio that day because he only trusted himself. So, you actually get a nice recording with very few cut-offs because he wasn't watching the recorder.

Thanks, Alex, you did something right that year.

I kid...well...becuase I have my own website. Anywho, the tape is pretty self explanatory. Laura was on probation for something because I remember her acting like she was drinking green water, when it was booze like the rest of us. I always enjoyed the fact that you could act that way on the air when on a rock station back then because it was what the listeners wanted to hear.

Everyone knows you are in a bar and have the perfect excuse to drink at 7:00 A.M. Why act like you're not?

Anyway, it was a fun show. I didn't remember it until I heard the tape, though, as my future wife (and just recently she had become my fiance at this time) had to drag me out of the bar at 7:00 P.M. When I left the bartender rang a bell and announced to the crowd that Chris Lanuti was finally leaving after 12 straight hours of drinking. Then he asked where I was going, to which I loudly proclaimed, "to another bar!"

And it was funny because it was true.

Ahh...when I was young...

Wha?!?!

2008-08-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

During US Olympian Katie Hoff's 400m race last night, she took a commanding full-body length lead over the next fastest racer heading into the final 100 meters. Then the lead vanished and she fell behind.

The male broadcaster in the booth for NBC remarked, "its like getting a tear in your wedding dress right before you walk down the aisle."

Really? That was your best analogy.

Really?

Seacrest Out! No? Crap.

2008-07-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

I heard tonight that Ryan Seacrest was bitten by a shark in Mexico. (Or, in the ocean next to Mexico...if you want to be technical.)

Unfortunately he survived the attack.

Don't get mad at me for saying that! Think about the effect he would have on my job search, let alone the economy of the country. If Seacrest was eaten by a shark 56 radio jobs, 4 cable show hosting jobs, one hosting job on American Idol, 3 print journalism jobs, and the jobs of hosting every major awards show in this country and England would open up!

Even if I didn't get one of those, I'd get the job of the guy who moved up to those spots!

Stupid shark.

New Features on BroadcastBasement.com

2008-07-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

After a long trip to Italy, I have decided to change up some things on the BroadcastBasement.com webite:

#1 - I am setting up the top menu bar for easier access to different shows and more information about myself in order to generate some employement for my on-air services. So, expect the Ratings & Resume section to be full of info in the next day or so. I also put a section for Podcasts up there as well.

#2 - Speaking of Podcasts, I will be placing a version of "Chris Lanuti in the Broadcast Basement" on I-Tunes as a podcast. A shorter version will appear each week on 1ClubFM.com. I will also be trying out a short Podcast entitled "Attack of the Kids" to practice my talk radio skills and use some of this fun material I get daily from being a dad.

#3 - I have changed the Interactive section to include a new "Attack of the Kids" Blog to go along with that new podcast. I also combined the Daily Pic and Daily Vid sections into one "Foolish Fun" section with funny pics, videos, games, etc added daily. The extra space also let me place the Gallery of pictures in the interactive section now that it is off of the main menu.

#4 - The active shows that will have new episodes in the future include: Chris Lanuti's Brodcast Basement, Attack of the Kids Podcast, Classic Chris. All other shows are on a break for now.

That's all for now. Thanks for hanging with me during the changes.

Classic Chris: "The Only KLCA Show/Audio"

2008-05-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

BroadcastBasement.com has launched a new feature titled "Classic Chris." This will post every Friday. Below is a sort of "Director's Commentary."

Classic Show: "The Only KLCA Show/Audio"
Original Air Date: Day before Groundhog Day 2002 (last two breaks are from October 2001)
Station: KLCA-FM, Alice @ 96.5
Radio Market: Reno, NV
Cast: Chris Lanuti, David Spade, Chuck the Movie Guy

First, let me say that this tape is full of me mocking the Superbowl between the Rams and Patriots. The station was always positioning itself as an alternative-to-mainstream station, so we had a "Super-Bore" promotion. In real life, I bet the Patriots to win at the Atlantic Resort Casino in Reno and won a bundle. "Super-Awesome!"

Second, this station made no effort to provide a working aircheck deck, so the audio is full of breaks with the first 5 seconds missing. Sorry but that's how it worked.

Third, I am alone here. My original co-host Gina simply hated me before I even took the job. She was called into an office the day before I arrived and told that she wasn't good enough to be on her own and that she would no longer be in control of the show. (They let her have top billing, though, as it was called "Gina & Chris in the Morning.") In December she flipped out in a break and trashed me personally and the station management. I wish I had the tape, because it is classic, but it was taken from me for the station to use in a possible lawsuit. So, she was fired and I was alone. The way that they never attempted to get me a co-host or producer should have made me realize that everyone was getting fired soon (even the PD after he fired everyone else), but I was too busy skiing and wine tasting.

So, about the show...well...this is what I sound like on a Mix/Fresh/Lite station. Kinda bland, but I think I at least prove that I can do other formats other than "high-energy" formats. I like the David Spade interview. The nice thing about Reno was the talent that came through to do shows that you could interview week-to-week. As you can tell, I did a lot of song playing and talking with listeners because there was nothing else that I could do. Still, I can't bash how it sounds. We actually had a real traffic guy! Doing real traffic! Insane.

The last two breaks are from few months earlier. I included it so there was a record that I was on the air with Gina and she did once exist on the air in a non-crazy state.

Thanks for listening. - Chris

This Is Your Life

2008-05-16T07:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I met an old friend from way back.

Wild Bill from the WPGU days actually lives in my neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. If not for BroadcastBasement.com, though, we may never have known how close we were. Bill found me through the site and after several tries to meet up for a beer, we finally set a date for last night in Durbins Pub on Kedzie Ave.

Bill showed up. We sat at the bar. We started talking about the old times and what has happened to each of us over the past ten years. Then Bill looked over my shoulder at the door and said, "Look at this guy coming in."

Enter Ed Siebert.

Ed was with Bill and I on the first morning show that I ever did at WPGU. Hes an original cast member. I had not seen him in nearly a decade. He immediately greeted me by slapping my back and sending a shooting pain through my body from the stitches left in my shoulder from a minor procedure done earlier in the day.

"Sorry, " he said.

"No problem," I said, "I probably did something to you way back and we finally evened out."

So, the boys now moved to a table and continued the walk down memory lane. I thought that Bill bringing Ed was the big surprise. I was wrong.

In walks Lee Vivanco.

All hell breaks loose.

Bill, Ed, Lee and I were the original four members of "Chris Lanuti and the Morning Alternative" on 107.1 the Planet.

"This is your life, Chris!" said Bill.

All four of us. Reunited. And it was 10 years to the week that we became a morning show in Champagn, IL.

We talked for hours. We each mapped out for the other three the last ten years of our lives. We watched as the old jokes came back like we had just seen each other yesterday. We watched Bill become Wild Bill after 10 Coors Lights and make friends and start singing with strangers at the bar.

We also decided a few things:

1. WPGU's heyday was a two year period including 1998 and 1999. Oh, and we dare anyone to prove otherwise. We had the best ratings and most profit in a 40 year history during those years and the people from those days are scattered all over this country's radio landscape. It is all because Andy Worthington was the greatest GM in history. Nothing but talent on that station. Nothing but fun.

2. That era needs a reunion. Consider us the committee to set up that event. lee even started jotting down ideas in her pocket planner.

3. It is time for a reunion show. So we are meeting next week to reunite in my basement for the May 26th episode of Lanuti's Basement.

Old friends. Back together again.

If only Andrew Miller would have walked through the door before we left.

Pictured above (l to r): Ed Siebert, Wild Bill Kempf, Chris Lanuti, Lee Vivanco (December 1998)

Classic Chris: "Superior Larry"

2008-05-16T06:46:00.001-07:00

BroadcastBasement.com has launched a new feature titled "Classic Chris." This will post every Wednesday. Below is a sort of "Director's Commentary."

Classic Show: "Co-Host Search: Superior Larry"
Original Air Date: 09/26/02
Station: KRFR-FM, Real Rock 104.3 (now defunct)
Radio Market: Bakersfield, CA
Cast: Chris Lanuti, Laura Payne (by phone), "Larry"

Now that my new project "Lanuti's Basement" is in the middle of a co-host search, I thought it would be fun to find the tapes from my first on-air co-host search from KRFR. At all of my other stations the co-host searching duties were done completely off the air, but this time I simply auditioned five random people.

OK, maybe this was all set up and the girl who keeps calling in on this episode and all the others already had a new contract to join me. Maybe.

You can hear my future co-host Laura Payne calling in several times on this tape. I have no idea who played Larry, though. I feel terrible because he does a great job. The sleeping angle would not have worked so well on the air if he had no acting chops.

While I really enjoy listening to this one after Larry arrives, the first ten minutes of the show seem to suggest that I was a little moody that morning. Or,maybe I was just trying to sound like the rest of the station with that "growling - rocker - yelling" style that everything sounded like on real Rock 104.3. Either way, for a random tape pull, this show wasn't too bad and I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for listening.

- Chris

Classic Chris: "Halloween 2002"

2008-05-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

BroadcastBasement.com has launched a new feature titled "Classic Chris." This will post every Wednesday. Today )5/2) we are releasing a Bonus Show. Below is a sort of "Director's Commentary."

Classic Show: "Halloween 2002"
Original Air Date: 10/31/02
Station: KRFR-FM, Real Rock 104.3 (now defunct)
Radio Market: Bakersfield, CA
Cast: Chris Lanuti, Laura Payne, and The Dude on the Couch (with a special appearance by "Wild Bill" Kempf from the WPGU days)

Listening to this tape the other day I was struck by how it was a perfect example of what I like to do on a morning radio program. You hear very early on in the broadcast a typical day filled with regular segments, prize giveaways and interviews. The idea of pulling of a big "theater of the mind" radio prank was always a lot of fun for me, the crew, and the listeners. In the second part of the show, you hear one of my favorites.

If I haven't mentioned it before, I really like listening to the exchanges between Laura Payne and myself in the Real Rock days. It is hard to find a strong female personality that doesn't sound sing-songy and can roll with the punches. She fit well with the dynamic of my shows and I'd be lucky to ever get to work with her again. Dude on the Couch is funny on this one. When listening to the tapes, I really enjoyed the moment when I remembered that one of the callers during the prank was Wild Bill from the old WPGU days. I love his call. He did that from his office in Chicago live on the air and sounded great. Bill plays a great Tony.

We actually ended it with a cold, cliffhanger ending. The phone lines went nuts all day with people wanting to know what happened. I liked doing that sometimes. Always leave them wanting more.

Enjoy...

- Chris

Classic Chris: "The Human Billboard"

2008-04-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

BroadcastBasement.com has launched a new feature titled "Classic Chris." This will post every Wednesday, with a bonus show occurring on Friday 5/2 in honor of the launch. Below is a sort of "Director's Commentary."

Classic Show: "The Human Billboard"
Original Air Date: 1/10/03
Station: KRFR-FM, Real Rock 104.3 (now defunct)
Radio Market: Bakersfield, CA
Cast: Chris Lanuti, Laura Payne, The Dude on the Couch

Posted a tad bit early and in plenty of time for the expected posting date of 4/30/08 is the first of what should be many episodes of "Classic Chris." (Please forgive the cutesy title.) As I will attempt to do for all of these re-broadcasts, the show was posted unedited and uncut. It is condensed, though. These recordings were all made on cassette tapes that always ran out at the worst times and recorded only when the microphone was live. So, in the middle of everything, it was up to me to always remember when I wanted to keep the mic on and just stay quiet so a bit would record. Sometimes that didn't happen, so you may hear some weird cuts from time to time.

This episode was a perfect start to this new Wednesday feature on BroadcastBasement.com, as I taped someone to a billboard in 3 of my 4 stops during my first run at morning radio. (I would have done it in Reno as well, but they never gave me a crew. They were a little busy planning the station format switch and layoffs before I even arrived.)

In all three instances, local media covered the event. I always found this a great stunt for free media exposure and an instant ratings booster. This attempt was the best. By the time I got to Bakersfield I understood the physics of duct-taping a man to a light post without killing him or causing him to be arrested.

(In Champaign, it was a brief arrest for my intern J.C. In Wheeling, Mongo had to be cut down early to save his legs.)

Dude on the Couch would have made it to the very end, but he fell just short as I miscalculated the effect of his robust size when planning the rig. But, by selecting the #1 most travelled intersection in Bakersfield during the morning rush hour and finding a light post located next to the public street but on private property, the people got to see a great stunt and the police couldn't end it early. So, it was a win-win.

The decision to take a few of the regular segments and any guests out of the show this day was made because we wanted the stunt to take center stage so that any media members moving around on the dial would have a greater chance of picking up the story. That worked out very well as two of the big three in town showed footage of the stunt all day and on the evening news.

I like this time at KRFR. From this point until Laura had to leave in a contract dispute with management 6 months later, I felt like some of my best radio was being done. Expect to see more than a few broadcasts from this time period on "Classic Chris." When I listened to this one I remembered how solid Payne was as a female co-host when strong female co-hosts are so hard to find and I remembered how the Dude really captured the hearts of many listeners.

That last phone call by the woman who just loves him and is bringing the kids to see a 300lb man duct-taped to a light post before school just tugs at my heart strings.

Thanks for listening.

- Chris

BroadcastBasement.com Re-Launch Schedule

2008-04-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

Armed with a re-built studio and a fresh direction, BroadcastBasement.com will launch following show on these days:

"Classic Chris" - NEW - New shows post every Wednesday beginning on April 30, 2008. In honor of this new feature, there will a bonus show posted on Friday 5/2 before the feature becomes exclusive to Wednesdays on May 7, 2008.

Recording of new shows will begin the following week, so these shows will air on their next available day:

"No Rules Top 20" - New shows post every Friday beginning on May 9, 2008.

"Lanuti's Basement" - New shows post every Monday beginning on May 12, 2008.

Computer Troubles

2008-04-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

You would love the show planned for this week on BroadcastBasement.com. Unfortunately you cannot hear it. My computer crashed last week after alerting me to a virus that was found in a scan. The people at the Geek Squad (Best Buy) are currently working as slow as humanly possible to fix the problem. While I hoped to have the computer back today, we have only just now identified the need to replace the entire hard drive.

So, please understand why there have been NO updates on BroadcastBasement.com or Blog Lanuti. I can't even check email unless I go to the public library these days. God willing, things will be running normal again within the week.

Hopefully the 12 of you will continue to listen.

- Chris

New Mic!

2008-03-31T21:05:00.001-07:00

Just Posted To BroadcastBasement.com:

"The Broadcast Basement has acquired a new microphone to replace the mic that imploded last week. Programming will resume this Friday (4/4/08) with a NEW Episode of the "No Rules Top 25." A NEW Episode of "Lanuti's Basement" will post on Monday (4/7/08)."

Thank God! I was getting bored talking to myself.

- Chris

Nooooo! NOOOOOOOOO!

2008-03-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

Actually, I think I just yelled "F&%$" over and over after the only microphone I own completely fried itself. I have no idea what I did and I'm about to start searching for used mics on the net to replace my $600 top end mic.

Argh!

I should have known disaster was coming when my mother-in-law sent a fruit basket to us this afternoon. I ate the chocolate covered strawberries and my studio puked all over me.

Seriously, that was one of the nicest random gifts that I've ever gotten. Who sends fruit anymore? I may start doing it. It was a nice change from the normal things people send. Maybe I should forget this broadcasting thing and start a business that delivers something unexpected to people instead of flowers or cookies.

"Hi, I have your Shamrock Shake. Your cousin Abe thought you may like it. Sign here."

The possibilities are endless for this concept. If there isn't a law against it, you could send a basket of beer to your buddy for any occasion.

"Honey! Joe sent you a nice basket of PBR with a note that says that he's thinking of you. What a nice guy."

And, for the person who deserves it...

"Hello. I have your bag of flesh-eating locusts. Sign here and let me pull away in my truck before you open it."

I'm sending that one to the people who designed my microphone.

Redemption

2008-03-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

She may have flooded my basement, but in the end my mother-in-law has totally redeemed herself on her last night of her invasion (uh...visit).

She's taking the cat!

All the way to Mingo Junction, Ohio.

YES. HE GONE. PUT IT ON THE BOARD. BOOM SHAKA LAKA.

In a huge eleventh-hour agreement and after much negotiation, I am sending away Molly the Cat. This is the cat that I gave my wife as a gift in order to put the moves on her well before I realized that I may even consider marrying her...and thus ending up with a frickin cat!

(terrible planning on my part)

All I had to do was send her off to my mother-in-law's place with 40 pounds of litter and 20 pounds of food. Oh, and I had to buy a carrying case. It was the best money I ever spent.

I am not a cat person. I can't put up with people who deal with me with indifference, so there is no way I would ever take attitude from an animal that craps in a box and licks it's own fur even if it already knows that licking that fur will cause it to puke all over my floor. I'm not alone in my personal dislike for cats. In the 7 years that I have been trying to dump this animal off on someone, I have known more than 10 people who successfully were able to find a new home for dog. That's easy. People love dogs. Why? Because dogs love people.

Cats hate everyone.

Therefore, anyone who is rational hates cats. I'll even go as far to say that if you like cats you don't like yourself. That's probably what you and the cat have in common. You both hate you.

(Right now if your cat could read this article, he would be laughing at you. You're pathetic.)

Anywho, I hate cats. Mine is going away. Case closed.

I love my kids though. Look at them. They love me right back too. Because they do, I won't make them live in Mingo Junction, Ohio.

Oskee Wow Wow Pt.2

2008-03-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

...stupid no-good Wisconsin...

Oskee Wow Wow

2008-03-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

If Illinois beats Wisconsin to get to the NCAA Tournament on Sunday, I will wet myself in utter glee.

Too much? I think not.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

2008-03-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

After the birth of my son, darkness settled over my home as a blanket of fear.

(Ok, that may be a little much...)

My mother-in-law arrived from the back roads of Ohio to basically turn my house upside down and I am counting the minutes until the world rights itself and up is no longer down, black is no longer white. Now, let me be clear right away, I don't believe (anymore) that she intends to bring down my happy home. Unfortunately, though, she may be the "Bringer of Doom and Despair."

Now, before you start thinking that I'm going way over the top and there is no way that one single person could cause so much chaos in a man's life, please consider the following facts:

FACT: In each of the four times that she has visited my happy home since it was purchased in 2006, there has been a flood. (Yes, a flood.) Not a flood of biblical proportions, but when your basement and/or kitchen collects enough water that the cat is sitting in an inner tube to stay afloat you have to give the water "flood status."

FACT: There have been no floods in the Lanuti house that were not connected in some way to her visits. Flood #1 occurred due to a failure of the pumping system under the house. She was staying in the basement bedroom. Flood #2 was very similar and occurred one year later. In this flood the heater shorted, sending the entire house into a frozen, flooded deep-freeze two days before Christmas. Flood #3 occurred only a few weeks later in the kitchen. It involved blocked pipes and a dishwasher flood after she had (according to my wife) poured "a little" turkey grease down the drain pipes. Flood #4 happened this morning. A baby sock clogged the drain to the sink that drained the washing machine's water. The sink had to be overflowing for at least a full day, but she never noticed the water building up around her as she did laundry in order to help out around the house after the new baby came.

FACT: Several amazing household disasters have occurred when she is in town. While she has only been in the house for less than a total of 24 days in the past 31 months we have lived in it, the following things have happened while she is here that have never happened before or since: (1) The my bed collapsed on the eve of Christmas eve. It was one month old. (2) The heater has broken twice, causing us all to wake up freezing in the dead of winter. (3) The four floods of doom mentioned above. (4) I drove over a foot long screw in the driveway that flattened a $200 tire. (5) I stubbed my toe yelling about her to my wife in the bedroom yesterday while pacing near the bed. (ow).

Now, maybe all of these things happening while she is around is simple coincidence. I may be completely insane and overreacting! That's it! I'm simply some sort of loon taking out my own personal frustrations over normal household disasters on my poor mother-in-law because she's an easy target! She isn't the "Bringer of Doom and Despair." I'm just going over the deep end.

Why does it smell like something is burning?

It's A Boy!

2008-03-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

On Friday, 3/7/08, my wife and I welcomed our son into the world. He was an 8 lb, 9.5 ounce linebacker. I delivered him myself (picture above). I'm old school like that.

Actually, the birth was a scheduled C-Section. This means two things: (1) I get to see my wife's stomach pulled up over her chest and all of the parts of the human stomach area. (2) I have to do everything for the first few weeks because she has just had major surgery and can't lift anything, including the baby.

Due to the fact that I have slept a combined 18 hours in the past 6 days, There is no broadcast from the basement this week (3/13/08). I considered it all the way up until Thursday morning, but my mother-in-law and her sister came in from the Ohio Valley last night and have moved into my studio, so I'm shut down. That's probably a good thing because I'm so tired that the show would be a joke this week and I believe we may fall back to single-digit listeners if I opened up the mic.

I am going to blog all week until the next show, though. I have a lot of ideas brought on by sleep deprivation that may take this experiment to another level. Pics and vids of the little guy will be posted to the blog too, so check from time to time.

Until the next show on 3/20, please accept my apologies for cancelling the 3/13 show. We'll be back with a bang next week!

- Chris

"No Country" Gives No Real Answer

2008-03-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

At the end of the 3/6/08 Broadcast from my basement, I tried to give my take on the 2008 winner for Best Picture of the Year - "No Country for Old Men." While I felt that my interpretation was obviously dead on and beyond being questioned by any mere mortal, I have received easily the largest response to anything said on a Broadcast Basement show in our short 5-show history.

(If you have not seen the movie, skip to another entry in the blog now.)

It was my feeling that the Tommy Lee Jones character had a dream about death at the end of the movie. Simply stated, that dream revealed that the crazy killer in the movie was going to finish him off that day. He finished everyone else off, why not Tommy Lee?

So far I have heard a few new theories to the movie with the abrupt ending. One theory was that TLJ (Tommy Lee Jones) retired from the police department when he realized that he was too old to continue. He realized this in the hotel room when he returned to the scene of the big shootout that the viewers came upon only at the end. In the scene, TLJ enters the room without looking behind the door, where our killer is hiding. When he enters the bathroom he notices that the window is locked from the inside. When he returns to the bedroom he notices that the vent grate has been removed. He then sits on the bed and figures out that the killer was right there in the room with him and he walked right past him, leaving an exit out the only door while he checked the bathroom. At this moment he realized that he is too old to continue this line of work.

The theory goes on that the killer is probably on his way to kill TLJ but the crazy car crash at the end gives him a new perspective. He probably lets TLJ live.

I'd love to hear some theories about this movie that haven't already been emailed to me. Feel free to post them in the comments section for this entry. I'll read all of the theories on next week's show.

Until then, just remember: Never let a guy with an air-hose attached to a large canister place the hose up to your forehead. He is probably going to kill you.

Junk Mail Joke: "Pay Attention"

2008-02-25T15:53:00.001-08:00

First-year students at Texas A&M University's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Sick Day

2008-02-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the best laid plans get dashed by the sniffles...and the loss of your voice. I'll never forget the time I had to bring my girlfriend (now my wife) to Carlos Campos, PD at KLCA-FM Reno, to explain to him that I had been diagnosed with some form of laryngitis that would prevent me from using my voice for anything for a week. Even after he told me to stay home and get better, I still ended up appearing on the air against doctors orders because it felt wrong to me not to do a show for a whole week.

When you are doing an internet show, though, I think it is acceptable to call off a broadcast if you have no voice because, well, about 6 people are listening. Thank you to all 6 of you for your understanding. Hopefully I can recover quickly and do enough to maybe get that listener number to 7 people. Maybe even 8! You have to dream big.

Seriously, though, the show will return on Thursday 8/28/08. I'm going to use this opportunity to adjust the schedule in order to get broadcasts out to you a day earlier each week. Thanks for understanding.

The the big positive is that I have the time to update the "Gallery" section on BroadcastBasement.com today. I added pictures like this one (left) that was sent in by WPGU alum "Wild" Bill Kempf. Check out the re-worked "Interactive" section too. There is much more to do than chat now.

I have to go now. I'm going to fill the bathtub with a mixture of Vicks Vapo Rub and chicken noodle soup. It isn't exactly how my mom did it when I was sick as a child, but I'm done screwing around. See you next week!

- Chris